My son asked if he could be a tyre sitting by the ocean. I said wheel sea

Apparently carrots help you see in the dark? I prefer Greek/Cypriot cheese for this. It just seems to Hallouminate everything for me

Meeting my Wife ‘…at John Lewis, in ladieswear x.’ Hope she turns up soon, these heels are killing me.

Did I tell you I used to be a proof reader? I was fired for no raisin whatsohoover.