{Dorothy Smith, 21/5/24}

It looks like it’s just you and me in here
For the next few weeks.
We’ll be okay, we’ve got each other.
And now you know for sure.

You saw me first when you were three or four.
Your cousin made you wear her clothes
And put makeup on your face.
She sat you before the mirror and said
“Do you like this person you see?”
And yes, you definitely did. And it was me.

You went away to school and found it hard.
You cried. You wept. You reached out.
You found me in the clothes and accessories
of the women around you.

Their belongings comforted you.
The women themselves knew nothing.
We met again at your granny’s after your father died.
The nightie hanging in the wardrobe,

We both know what you did, our little secret.
And then you felt ashamed of me.
You couldn’t tell anyone
how happy I made you feel.

You wouldn’t let me comfort you
When you visited your other cousin
You slept in that room with all those dresses
You knew you shouldn’t touch.

You had girlfriends and you married.
You had all that, but there were still those times
When I helped you on your way.
I stayed around in case you needed me.
I’m glad I did.

You had to acknowledge me
When Lizzie made you model her sweater.
She had a vision of you as a woman.
She said she knew there was something strange.
Her words upset you.

You never told your mother about me either.
Before she died and afterwards, you wrote
All kinds of stories about your longings,
But nothing about me.

You reached out to me and I was there,
In Lizzie and all the other women you looked at.
And then you turned to men.
They weren’t enough either,

But Sarah found out
And it was too late for your marriage.
After Keith upset you, you shaved yourself
And found me underneath.
I was there to greet you

When you saw your friend with the trains
And you knew you’d come home.
When you met Robin I came into the open.

You gave me my name and I grew with you.
You left your wife for Robin,
You cried for her and I cried too.

And then it was the hospital.
Robin didn’t want you
And I couldn’t be in the ward,
I think that made you worse.

And now we’ve come
To know each other
And I make your life complete.
Let the others moan about the lockdown,

We have a bubble all our own.